life on the floor

My favourite thing at the moment is falling over. It’s like a new hobby. A painful new hobby and whilst I quite fancy purple hair, purple (and greenish) skin doesn’t have quite the same appeal.

On Monday morning I crash landed to the floor of my kitchen, spraining my foot so I’ve been hobbling around like a numpty for three days; blacking up my knee and straining my neck as I avoided smacking my head on a wall. The foot was soooo painful that the latter two didn’t matter as much. I also covered myself in a glass of water. It could have been worse, it could have been coffee. It was barely 9am. And the pain, crying and need to change meant I was late for work (paid by hour) and only wearing a tshirt.

Throughout the day I then managed to trip (on nothing) about 4 times once where I was actually rescued by an old person.

Tuesday was fuelled by similar random trips and misunderstandings between my brain, my feet and the ground. Falling into the road was a high point.

Wednesday. It’s now 9.14. And I just fell UP the stairs of the bus. Magic. My friend thinks I should go to the hospital. Just in case. I can’t afford to take time off to to go, only to be told I’m paranoid and also know why this is happening. So there’s no point. (I love the point of the nhs but unless it’s an emergency then it’s a waste of time)

So why am I spending my life on the floor? Essentially, My brain, or my mind? Is too full to function. There’s so much other stuff happening right now that the signals from my brain to my physical body have slowed down, my brain is too busy focusing on other stuff, staying positive, blocking up my tear ducts, processing food in a normal way. Instead a haze of white noise happens and I fall over. Or maybe I’ve got brain cancer, or early stage m.s or some other serious illness.

If I do then oh well. Also I’m pretty sure I can sue the various terrible doctors ive seen. This has been going on for a while (4 years) and it sucks. But it’s an effect and the reasons causing it can’t be fixed by a doctor; they can only be hidden.

Image: the tattoo I want but can’t get because my wrist veins are ridiculous.

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