umm asos

In between looking for avenues for employment (the dream roles only) turning down a sales role for £9 and hour and updating my blog I have somehow managed to save 143 items on asos.


one hundred and forty three.


I kid you not.


I think I have an asos problem. Part of me hopes that one day, asos will do some random competition where they decide to do a lucky dip gifting spree and choose one person at random (eg me) and send them everything in their saved items. I can dream right?

I also know, and feel a little bad about, the poor people in their business department who have to analyse the stats on why some people save items but never buy them. I worked with two people in my previous role, and sat in several tense meetings about ‘customer journeys’ and ‘closing sales’ and trying to find out why people don’t buy. Asos, i am sorry. It’s just the stock, the trousers, the tops, the shoes, the dresses, the jumpsuits, they are all so so pretty and I would buy them if I could, I really really would… it’s just i have no money.



I know I’m a materialist. As much as i sometimes wish I wasn’t. I like stuff. I like owning things. I like pretty new things. Things with glitter and sequins and neon tassles and pompoms and velvet and things that glow in the dark. No matter how many books I read, or hoarding programs I watch, i like things.


So of the 143 items would I, if i grew a money tree or started sweating pound coins, actually buy them all? Well yes! Okay, do i really need all five of the rucksacks I just put in there, probably not… in fairness I would probably just buy one, or two (but which two, look they are so pretty!)… the sixteen pairs of footwear? Quite possibly yes because my footwear collection is scarce. You have to roll with the idea that if i was sweating pound coins, I would not only purchase my haul on asos but I would also move to a hotel room somewhere in Soho or Shoreditch and spend my nights partying and my days doing hot yoga and writing and sitting somewhere sunny whilst wearing one of the seven pairs of sunglasses and frequently telling the time on one of the three watches I then owned.


Okay, so maybe some of the items would get returned. Maybe some of the sunglasses, the shoes that looked ridiculous on my size seven feet but beautiful on the model’s size fives, the trousers that look amazing when you’re 18 and a size double zero but not when you’re 32 and the only zeros in your life are not linked to the size of your hips, maybe not so amazing.

So let’s say 108. That’s the magic number. I whittle it down to 108 and yes, would I wear it? Well yes. i would. So asos, if you don’t mind gifting it to me that would be amazing. Alternatively if anyone has the knowledge of how you grow a money tree* or supplements you can take to sweat pounds if they could send them over that would be swell.


Maybe not the money tree, i’d probably kill it in a similar way recruiters think i killed my employability.


asos adolescent outcast tshirt


All stock is currently for sale on



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