Despite paying my annual WordPress fee in September I haven’t really embraced the renewal. The last post was written months ago, when in fairness everything was all rose tinted and fluffy and I was busy shrouded in a cape of generic working adulthood and trying to get excited about packing for a holiday. But I guess it all just slipped a bit. Or in essence I guess I gained some life perspective.
It’s funny when you’re in the bubble the bubble is great but step away and the scratches can become cracks and the specks of dust, fields of decaying mulch. Or maybe I’m over exagerrating? I thought I was ready to take a trip and return to the everyday, it was all fine until I got on a tube that seemed to be busier, sat down behind a desk that has lost its sheen and about nine hours later whilst trying to get excited about a sandwich (instagrammed it & everything) I had one of those life changing calls and everything has freefalled ever since and my perspective both clarified and shattered at the same time. Because, I guess when you think you have everything you want, it’s then you realise it’s not what you need. At all.
The last ten days have ended up as an accidental physical detox from the past few months where essentially my body just caved in on itself meaning I have, sweated, shakes and coughed my way through the end of December and now into the new year (I’m writing this from my bed of fresh sheets next to a burning candle and the sounds of rain against the window) it’s not ideal but it is probably needed although the timing is frustrating to say the least; I think I spent £40 in Hotel Chocolat only to find everything tastes like either play dough or sandpaper. I feel sorry for myself but I am allowed to. Frustrated. Angry. Enough to say enough is enough, this is not enough. I am more, I am grateful and I am thankful for my 2016 experiences, some more so than others but Its not enough now and start to making some changes. Taking more vitamins and buying a winter coat should be the start. But I guarantee it won’t be.